If someone told me that this year would start off the way it has, last year, I wouldn’t believe them. Even though on the 31st March 2012 I had concluded a chapter in my life where I was working in a corporate environment. Thankfully, not in a typical office space behind a desk clickety-clacking away at a computer to make numbers and boxes communicate information. But interacting with people to ensure their “safety” within the building was maintained. Yep, security monkey.
FFWD through the Olympics (where I was an Events Manager within the park, in charge of a team of almost 200 staff and supporting almost 1000 personnel in my sector), the 4 months of working at Virgin Active as a Fitness Coach, turning 27 and now going through the realization of a product within a start-up.
When people ask me what I’m up to…I kinda skirt around anything resolute that they can grasp quickly and talk about. There are a few words I could use, but there’s a part of me that pipes up in the back of my head saying, “who do you think you’re kidding? You’re none of those! You’re a dreamer who’s pretending and if you put it out there you WILL be found out to being a phony! YOU’RE A PHONY!!”
If you know me in person, you’re probably thinking I’m mad (you’re not wrong, the world inside my head is pretty crazy. The voice even more so!). Outwardly there’s a confidence that commands conversations whilst always looking out for everyone but myself. Inwardly, I really do wonder what the hell I’m doing 96% of the time.
The crazy thing is, I’ve never alluded to things beyond my grasp yet still have this insecurity. And it’s not fair. Especially this year. Especially looking back over the last 4 months.
So this morning I added a few things to my affirmations. Yes, I’m a Tony Robbins fan and I flit between the “Fifteen minutes to Fulfillment” and “Thirty minutes to Thrive” aspects of his “Hour of Power” audio. It’s gotten me this far, and I’ve face-planted a wall at a hugely critical point of self-evolution. I have NEVER even thought about the start-up sector as I figured I’m too stupid for it (I think I’m too stupid for a lot of things, seriously)…any of it. Yet I’ve done extensive research, reached out to people, had meetings and gotten loans without a barrier of “let me read a book about it first”. Clearly, I’m not *that* stupid, then.
What IS stupid though, is not admitting what/who I am at this very point in time. And it’s taken me almost 450 words to confess something:
My name is Shiggi. I’m a Fitness Coach/PT, DJ, Sound Engineer and an Event Services Security Operative. This year I’m also an Inventor.
~ Big scary red text, is big and scary.
You have no idea how uncomfortable it makes me to call myself an “inventor”. I’m squirming a little bit right now as I type it and say it in my head. But I’ve created a product, I’ve “invented” a solution to a problem that’s been annoying me for a while. That’s what inventors do, and a large percentage of the “crazy” that goes on in my head is solutions to trivial and not so trivial problems.
The confession comes now as a pattern has been occurring with meetings I’ve been having with various people. They believe me, they trust me, they agree. Then they say, “this isn’t the first idea you’ve had, is it”. No, it isn’t. It’s the first idea I’ve pulled out of my head to attempt. Then they ask why if I have so many in my head. And I shrug and say, “Dunno, I guess I find the idea of being an “inventor” a bit odd. I don’t have a white lab coat, or the crazy eye”.
They laugh, I laugh too, because I just did the crazy eye.